I Use Power Tools. So what?

Hello, everyone!!!

This last week has been full of DIY home projects. Even though it's not Spring yet, I've been doing some major organizing, cleaning and painting.

Before

I don't know about you guys, but when I'm not happy in my environment it makes me very depressed. So, off to Lowe's we went, to look at paint chips and other "house stuff." I love Lowe's more than Tom does. I'm much more of a "fix it" kind of person. The only thing is, when I go in the store, everyone looks at me like, "What's she doing here? Surely she meant to walk into Target." A bazillion sales associates come up to me, and ask me if I need help. Dude. I can handle a paint chip.

The first area to tackle was mine and Amelie's bathroom. I don't know why owner's of apartments put thick coats of off-white, almost yellow paint in the bathrooms. It's horribly ugly and has no character at all. I knew I wanted to do something soothing, so I ended up picking a powder blue color called, "Twilight." Quite fitting, as Amelie and I have been watching the vampire series all month! I'm not sure Tom is very keen on seeing his daughter watch it either, because he tricked her into calling it, "Highlights."

Anyway, the bathroom is all better now, and when I walk in there, I kinda don't want to leave. It's nothing fancy or anything, but it's way better than it was. I got a new shower head. It's the kind that you can remove like a hose. I'd been meaning to get one for a long time, so that I could rinse Amelie's hair after a shampoo, but just never got around to it. I got to use power tools, and it was RAD. I didn't know I was so handy.

Before

We also went to IKEA, one of my most favorite places to go! Amelie got to play in the kid's area downstairs for an hour, while I walked around the pre-made rooms and drooled. Sometimes I just walk into their kitchens and pretend for a minute that it's mine. Instead of the old, outdated kitchen I currently have. I think our gas stove is older than I am, and it's a little tricky to turn on. One side of the pilot light will light, and you have to blow into the other side to get it to work. Not cool, man. Not cool.

 The next project to tackle will be rearranging the living room so that we can better play our Xbox. Amelie and I just got some dance games, and being the klutz's  that we are, need plenty of room to dance (fall.)

After that it's steam cleaning the carpets. People always look at me like I'm crazy when I say I'm going to steam my carpets. I usually try to do it every year or every six months, but hadn't worked up the courage to do so until now. The thing is, Amelie has asthma, and keeping the place free of dust and dirt is a must. We've lived in this apartment almost two years, and this will be the first time I've done it, so...time to get on that.

The project after that will be painting the dining room a warm brown color. The color I bought is similar to how powdered cocoa looks. Not too dark, not too light. And of course, there's Tom's bathroom...luckily I have enough blue paint to do his as well.

So, it's been pretty busy around here. Oh, and I reorganized my spices. Yep. I have a LOT of them. And I use all of them. I'm pretty jazzed about everything I've done so far.

Lovely

Butterflies add whimsy

I can screw anything. Uhm...wait.

Assistant Leedle

Wait! One more thing. (As if the list couldn't get any longer, right?) I have a very small area in the living room I've decided to dedicate as an office. A really, really tiny office. I bought a little desk and rolling chair at IKEA yesterday. I made Tom put the desk together. It was not pretty. He totally earned that pizza we had for dinner. Thanks, baby!

Pictures of the rest of the home improvements to come! Until then, enjoy my before and afters of the bathroom. My favorite part is the little girl on the toilet.

The (Ignorant & Brave) Climb

After a week of mindless eating, and a couple of days with cold, rainy weather, I decided Amelie and I needed to workout, in a big way. So, what other place to go than Runyon Canyon?

For those of you who aren't familiar with Runyon Canyon, it's located in the Hollywood Hills. It is a tall mountain with a large, winding trail that runs from top to bottom. Some parts of it are pretty steep, and you'll often see people sweating and struggling on the way up. When Amelie, Tom and I go, we park at the very top, and work our way down; then back up. The track is about 3 miles down, and of course, 3 miles back up. Amelie and I have a midpoint (a large tree) that we turn back around at, because a combined 6 miles is far too much for a 4 year-old kid.

It's very popular with the natives here. I've seen Sheryl Crow running down it with her trainer in the past. People bring their dogs, leash-free, and hike it. The scenery is so beautiful! To your left you can see the Hollywood sign, directly ahead, you can see the downtown Los Angeles skyline, and even further than that, you can see the beach.

So, we packed up our backpack, complete with cheese sticks, water bottles and apples, and headed out. It was a balmy 73 degrees, with absolutely clear, blue skies. I was really excited to get moving. I'd had a few emotionally depressing days prior to this one, and working out always pulls me out of what I like to call, "The Funk."

Going down the mountain is a piece of cake. You really have to be careful though, because I've seen people skid down on their butts before (myself included) on the steep incline. Amelie freaking loves the place, because it gives her an opportunity to pet everyone's dog. No dog is safe from her sweaty little palms.

We always get a big laugh out of the breeds of dogs we see there. Big dogs, little dogs, hairy dogs, skinny dogs, fat dogs-- you get the picture. But, yesterday, the dog we found particularly funny was a tiny little wiener dog, whose legs couldn't have been longer than two inches. Watching him go down the mountain was a riot! I'll bet that dog was cursing the whole way down in his tiny dog brain.

After we saw our midpoint tree, we turned around to make our way back up. Here's where things started to go "downhill." Suddenly, we were met with 20 mph winds that literally came outta nowhere. Not only that, but they were pushing against us as we tried to climb up. At first, I laughed. It was sort of funny, and really, just my luck. I get into the weirdest situations all the time without even trying.

The laughter quickly turned into panic, as the winds grew very, very strong-- to the point where, if I didn't hold onto my child, she would go flying off the mountain. There is no guard rail, so you're pretty much screwed if you get too close to the edge. And the drop down is frightening. I'm not sure anyone could survive it.

Before the wind storm.

Since the trail is made mostly of dirt, the gusts of wind blew so strong, that the dirt flew up in our faces, causing a dirt storm. I don't know if you've ever had dirt thrown at you before, but that shit hurts! Whenever it would hit us, I'd turn around to face Amelie, hold onto her body tightly, and make her nuzzle her face into my tummy to protect her. There were several instances, where we had to huddle against the mountain, hugging each other.

The wind got so bad that hikers had to carry their dogs, for fear that they'd get blown away. And this mommy was no exception. I got the work out of my LIFE. Carrying a 45 pound kid up a mountain is brutal, guys. Just brutal. I highly don't recommend it.

I got the bright idea to warn people who were on their way down that it was really bad below. Most of these dummies just ignored me. They were probably thinking, "What a lightweight. I can do anything!" I must've looked pretty pathetic though, out of breath, sweating and shlepping a preschooler along. I don't know why it still amazes me how rude and aloof L.A. people are. Out of all the people on the mountain who saw me struggling with my kid only ONE person stopped to ask if we were okay. Just one. And he was French. And Americans say the French are rude? I think not.

After the wind storm.

By some miracle, Amelie and I made it to the top. I have never been so happy to see my 12 year-old Toyota in my life. By the time we got in, I noticed branches were blowing off trees. I had dirt in my teeth, my hair, and in my ears. And Amelie had some in her eye (prompting me to squirt water in her eye without warning-- she was not happy with me.)


We drove away, proclaiming ourselves heroes! Victory! We did it!

And we might never do it again.

Food Ninja to the Rescue!

Don't egg me on! I'm on an "egg roll" this morning.

No? You mean my "eggsellent" sense of humor isn't working for you?

Sigh.

My "fat-cakes"

Since I'm home all the time, I've become a food ninja. Most of what I cook is from scratch. I'm not buying frozen pizzas and microwave meals. So sir! If I'm going to make pancakes I use real self-rising flour, milk and eggs. Trust me, it tastes better than the box stuff. The pancakes are fatter and absorb syrup so much better.

It's not that I have anything against microwavable foods. It's just that cooking from scratch is cheaper, yields more leftovers, and is probably healthier.

Anyway, this blog entry is about how I've been using eggs. In unusual ways. And why not? They're cheap, fast and they taste good!

The other night, I really wanted to make a pizza. I had the mozzarella cheese and pepperoni, but what I didn't have was a crust. And then it hit me! Why not make the crust out of eggs?!

It was very much like starting an omelet, except you don't fold it over onto itself. Instead, you keep it open, and put pizza toppings on it. However, the conundrum was: How do you cook a 10" omelet all the way through? I wanted to flip it over, but it was so watery on top that it was super delicate. And I was determined to keep it intact.

Then I got smart. Yes. Smart. Even smarter than I currently am.

I decided to put a lid on the pan, turn the burner down low, and let it steam itself through. Genius! After some time, it was stable enough to flip over with a spatula. And this is what it looked like:

Well, obviously, I was feeling pretty good about myself after this. That is, until Tom came home and looked absolutely baffled.

Tom, "What is that?"

Me, "Egg pizza!"

Tom, "Why?"

Me, "Because I'm awesome?"

After the egg pizza, I decided to make whipped cream from scratch. By the way, for any of you that are jealous, just know that I have a lot of extra time on my hands being unemployed. So, don't feel bad if you aren't making egg pizza from scratch. You should feel bad, however, if you are eating raw ramen noodles for dinner.

Anyway, whipped cream is so easy to make! It's just liquid whipping cream with sugar added to taste, beat on high. Now, if you want to get really fancy with it, you can add a dash of cinnamon, cocoa powder and vanilla extract. It's heavenly.

So here's what we had for dessert:

Hey, I don't make the rules, I just break them. Becoming a food ninja is a big task, but somebody's gotta do it.

Happy Birthday Planning

www.karaspartyideas.com

Birthdays are so awesome, but, especially when they are for your kids. Amelie will be turning 5 years old next month and I'm trying to plan a birthday party in Los Angeles. The only problem is, it costs an arm and a leg!

http://www.lollipop-dream.com/

I stayed up really, really late last night looking at different venues online. The price ranges from $300.00-$800.00 for a two hour party. And some of those quotes don't even include food.

If it were possible I'd just have the party at my house, but when you live in an apartment that doesn't even have an outdoor patio, you're pretty much screwed. I thought about having the party at a park, but I'm afraid there might be rain that day. Yes, even California gets rain, and at the most inopportune times.

I have a feeling this party is going to be unreasonably expensive. But here's the problem: Every year I say I'm going to have a real party for her, complete with friends and a playground, I decide not to do it because it's expensive and tedious.

So, what the hell am I going to do? It's too expensive but she's turning 5, which is pretty monumental as it marks the beginning of kindergarten. On a side note, I'm not doing Chuckie Cheese. Have you seen that place???

http://www.thecoop-la.com/#

Happy "Valentime's" Day!!!

Today on Kathy Lee and Hoda, they referred to it as "S.A.D." meaning "Single Awareness Day."

Everyone has their own opinion of this holiday, you either love it or you hate it. I fall into the "love it" category. I don't discriminate any holiday, really. I'm all about celebrating!

Amelie and I crafted home made V-Day cards for Tom. We're also making a special dinner for him. I bought her floating heart balloons at the 99-cent store. She calls them her "babies."

On a sad note, our pet fish of 3 years, "Tikki" died yesterday. I watched the poor little guy flutter about, struggling to breathe, and then a few hours later, Tikki was gone. It was very sad for Amelie, as this is the first animal she's ever had that died. I assured her that Tikki went to fish heaven and is now reunited with his mommy and fish friends.

Rest in peace, Little Tikki.

Scare to Learn?

I'm getting really tired of going back to high school every night.

I keep having these annoying dreams that my old high school contacts me and demands I re-enroll because I didn't complete my degree. I've been having this particular dream ever since I graduated back in '99. Twelve years strong!

**Not From Walmart

The dream last night was particularly vivid. I was at a school with a bunch of alternative kids, you know, the ones from the 90's who listen to Nirvana, wear flannel shirts, and have long hair. I was trying to fit in, so I went to Walmart and bought some clothes (what?) some school supplies and a back pack.

Maybe I'm having more of these dreams because it's getting closer to Amelie enrolling in kindergarten. I think I have some sort of anxiety about it. I just want her to stay little at home with me forever!

A couple of days ago I looked up which elementary school she'd be going to in our area. It got 9 out of 10 stars for best schools in L.A. Get this: they teach the 5 year-olds how to type and do Power Point. For real? That'll come in handy when they open their lemonade stand.

If you liked the clothes above, check out the website it originated from at:

http://blog.denimtherapy.com/

To Read Or Not To Read

When I first became a parent, I knew it was critical to read to my kid. So, I immediately started buying books at garage sales and book stores. If it said "Children's Book" on the spine, I bought it. I had turned into an easy "book slut" and it felt great. 

Why what's that you say? You've got a book? And it's for children? I'll take two of each, please!

It never crossed my mind that some of these books might not be very good. I just thought, well, if it's a kid's book, then kids will just enjoy it, regardless of the bad art and lame story. Not true.

I can tell when Amelie's losing interest, and even worse, when I'm losing interest. It's like pulling teeth reading those crummy books! I found myself turning pages and thinking, "Shit, when is this going to be over?!"

I ended up having to weed through all those books and create two categories, "Dumb Books," and "Awesome Books." I'd like to share with you, a few of our favorite "Awesome Books."

Number 1 Awesome Book is called "The Fat Cat Sat on the Mat" by Nurit Karlin. The art is simple watercolor, and the print is big and bold. It's about an overly-entitled, fat, orange cat with an attitude. In my opinion, the dialogue is best read with an English accent, but if you ain't got the acting chops, I'm sure American English is just fine. **Disclaimer: You and your kid might pee your pants reading this, so, diapers all around!

Number 2 Awesome Book is called "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein. Again, nice art and easy to read. It's about a tree that gives selflessly to a little boy. The guy who wrote this also illustrated it. He has other books out there too, like "Where the Sidewalk Ends" and "The Missing Piece." Unfortunately, Shel died in 1999, but his work lives on! **Disclaimer: Have kleenex close at hand :(

Number 3 Awesome Book is called "Go Dog Go!" by P.D. Eastman. It's such a goofy, fun book. My kid loves dogs, so it's perfect. It shows dogs in very odd predicaments. This book holds a special place in my heart because my mom used to read it to my brothers and me when we were little. When mom read it to us, she was very animated. I think it's important for the reader to just have fun and let go. **Disclaimer: A shot of vodka beforehand makes this extra entertaining!

Number 4 Awesome Book is called "Pinkalicious" by Victoria Kann. The story is pretty good, but mostly I love this freaking book because the art is so badass. It's total eye candy. If I were going to illustrate a book, this is exactly how I would do it. It's simple, clean and whimsical. If you look closely, the art is a mix of photo real and hand drawn elements and patterns. LOVE.

Best place to buy them at a great price is www.amazon.com

Hope you and your little one found some new favorites on here!

We Borrowed A Zoo

I might be confused about many things in life, but one thing I am not confused about is this:

I LOVE PETTING ZOOS!!!

My family went to a local farmer's market last Sunday for the first time. I had read that they have a petting zoo, jumping balloons, and glittery rainbows with pots of gold at the end. All this for the low price of $4 a person.

There wasn't a whole lot of supervision inside the animal pen, so some of the small animals were getting man-handled by little kids. I felt kind of bad for the baby bunnies and guinea pigs so I decided to "rescue" one while I was there. I picked up a bunny, unzipped my purse and then...

Oh c'mon! You really thought I'd steal a farm animal?!

I'd be lying if I said the thought hadn't crossed my mind. Sigh. Alas, there were too many people watching.

Any time we've gone to a petting zoo, Amelie gravitates towards the chickens. So much so that I coined the nickname "Amelie The Chicken Whisperer." They love her! While the chickens run away from the other kids, they welcome her with open arms...err wings.

We finished up our Farmer's Market trip with fresh fruit samples, a Mexican burrito and a mango snow cone.

Chicken Whisperer

Let's talk about the snow cone for a second, shall we? First of all, that snow cone was fucking awesome. Second of all, the line was freakishly long. I didn't mind that so much. What I did mind was the European guy in front of me who was openly harassing his kids. I was one step away from slapping the back of his ugly, arrogant, Ed Hardy shirt-wearing cone head.

He kept giving his 10 year-old son "noogies." This is a term I hadn't heard or seen since middle school. It looked hella painful, and the poor kid kept telling him so. These pleas, however, did not deter "Cone Head." He kept right on digging his big, hairy knuckles into his kid's scalp.

Just when I thought my disgust for him could not intensify, "Cone Head" threw me a curve ball. He took a plastic spoon and started flicking the back of it on his 8 year-old daughter's head.

What. The. Fuck.

None of his four children were amused by his ape-ish behavior. And, to make matters worse, he ordered four snow cones, each with two flavors, and waited until the last minute to make up his mind. But, don't pity me, instead, pity the kids who have to live with "Cone Head" every day of their lives.

Other than that, the Farmer's Market was a complete success! I got my bunny fill, Amelie got her chicken fill, and Tom got his burrito fill. All is right with the world.

Please enjoy my video with "the white bunny with the blue eyes."

http://youtu.be/E89HWE3Jx3Q

Unsocialized While Socializing

My husband, Tom, and daughter, Amelie, and I went to a full-on, authentic Mexican birthday party last night. When you drive through a neighborhood to get to a Mexican party, there's never a question of, "Okay, which house is the party?" Because you can hear it from a mile away.

They had a DJ outside, a buffet line with food like chicken enchiladas verdes, rice, beans, and chile rellenos. These are all foods that I LOVE. Unfortunately, it means there might be a major fart-fest later. Yep, I said it. You know you were thinking it.

I always apologize to my husband in advance, because I know the inevitable will strike later that night. Poor guy.

That party was awesome.

Which brings me to my next topic: I say the word "awesome" way, way too much. You know how when you're at a party, and you're really into a conversation with someone, and then you start to get self-concisous, so then everything you say plays back in your head like an echo?

No?

Shit.

Anyway, I was doing that last night at the party and I was getting on my own nerves! Ha! So, how do you pay attention to something someone is saying, while you're filtering yourself? I find that this is really a problem for me.

For introverted people (aka, ME) it takes such a massive amount of focus to converse. And it's frustrating, really, because last night the people I was socializing with were completely one with the conversation; they were a step ahead of me. It's almost like they were cheating! I call foul! Or something!

Really, I don't even know what it means to call "foul."

Which brings me to my next topic: I am very frightened that I will misuse a word or saying while I'm talking. This gets on my own nerves too! Here we go again with the filtering!

Sometimes I wish I was a walking Encyclopedia. Like that robot on "Close Encounters!" Wait. That was the correct movie reference, right?

The moral of the story is: Don't do drugs. Okay, okay, so that's not really the moral of the story. But it's a good moral to have! The moral of the story is, just relax.

I'm going to go put another shrimp on the barbie and make lemons out of lemonade.

See ya!

Living Within Constraints

So, I have this kid who is pretty much the most awesome human being in the world. And this kid keeps me from thinking too much about any negatives. Which is a good thing, because I'm easily distracted by sad things.

2/2/12 at the park

Yesterday we spent the whole day together. We went to the park and she rode her bike. We had a lovely picnic under a shady tree atop a grassy hill. We went into the children's section of the library and played preschool games on the computer. And we read two books.

Sounds like something out of an overly cheesy movie doesn't it? Sometimes I feel like it can't be real. But, luckily for me, it is.

It's funny too, because yesterday morning started out with tears. Amelie and I had to go to her preschool and pick up all her art and belongings. We can't afford to send her there anymore. When we arrived, all her friends were sitting outside at picnic tables eating lunch. When they saw her they squealed, "Amelie! Where have you been?"

Her wonderful teacher, Gloria, rushed over and gave Amelie a big hug. Teacher Gloria gave us a bag full of Amelie's past art projects, student evaluations and lastly, "homework." The homework was different work sheets to write her name, numbers and alphabet. After giving this to Amelie, Teacher Gloria said, "When you finish this homework, come drop it off and I will give you more." That teacher is an angel.

I was so sad because...as a parent we just want our kids to be happy, you know? We just want them to have everything we didn't have as kids. And when money gets in the way of providing them with the best, it breaks our hearts. So, yesterday my heart broke.

As we drove away, I started to cry. I felt like I failed to give her something important. Amelie said, "It's okay, mommy, you don't have to cry." Hearing her say that just made me cry even more!

After a few minutes of being a baby, I made a decision: I'm going to try to provide her with everything I can while she's at home with me. That means getting out of the house. Going to the beach. Going to the farmer's market. Taking walks. Going to kid's book readings at the library. Making arts and crafts with her at home. The list goes on and on.

Since I can't afford to send her to a fancy school, I found a ballet/dance movement class in Burbank that meets three times a week. It's only 90 dollars a month, which is a fraction of the cost of her tuition at the school. And luckily, she already has the ballet shoes, tights and leotard.

That's how we roll.

Having lots of money is great, but there is something to be said for living within financial constraints. I'm not talking about being in poverty-- we certainly are not. I'm talking about living on a budget. It forces you to get creative!

For example, instead of eating out all the time, we cook most of the time at home. It's healthier and way funner. Amelie helps make dinner every night and sets the table now. I gotta say, the pure joy I see in her eyes as she runs to get spoons and forks is astonishing! If someone asked me set the table I'd just see it as a boring task. But kids see it as a time to SHINE! It's like, "Hey, look what I can do! I'm big!"

So, yeah. I'm not going to cry anymore. I had my five minutes of sobbing. I'm done.

 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a little girl to put pig tails on and a date with the beach.