Tears of a Rapper -- By Nina

I might be pulling an "Andy Rooney" here, complaining about something nobody cares about but me. But if you've ever wondered what rappers like Ludacris, Kanye and Jay-Z are talking about in their songs then this particular blog entry is especially for you. On the other hand, if you just love the tunes and don't care about the nonsense spewing out of their mouths, then feel free to exit at any time.

Before I had a kid I never really listened to the words in what I like to call "booty music." I only started questioning the content of these songs when I heard my 4-year-old daughter repeating some of the lyrics. It's pretty sobering when your kid starts belting out, "Honey got a booty like pow, pow, pow. Honey got some boobies like wow, oh wow!" Thanks a lot, Usher.

Put on your headphones everyone, we are about to decode the lyrics (and tears) of a rapper!

"Did I do that?!"

SONG #1 "E.T." By Katy Perry with rapper Kanye West
(a.k.a. Outer space song written by a 'tard)

Hear the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5Sd5c4o9UM

"I got a dirty mind (I'm gross)

I got filthy ways (Seriously, I'm really gross)

I'm tryna bathe my ape in your milky way (I'd like to have sexual relations with you but I have the maturity of a 7 year old)

I'm a legend, I'm irreverent (I'm full of myself)

"I'm insulted by that comparison."

I be reverend (I'm thinking of joining the clergy)

I be so far up (Now I'm high)

We don't give a f-f-f-f-k (I so do)

Welcome to the danger zone (Be careful)

Step into the fantasy (But really you should run away fast as you can)

You are not invited to the other side of sanity (You're invited to this side of sanity)

They callin me a alien (Because I am an alien)

A big-headed astronaut (WTF?)

Maybe it's because your boy Yeezy get ass a lot" (Yeezy likes mules. A lot)


Moving on to the next gem.

SONG #2 "Apple Bottom Jeans" By T-Pain 

Sad in gwaped pants

Hear the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHUTKy4OXfY

"Hey (Hi)

Shawty what I gotta do to get you home (Short person, will you be my hooker? Circle yes or no)

My jeans full of gwap (I gwaped my pants)

And they ready for Shones (It's OK, Shones is going to clean it up)

Cadillacs Maybachs for the sexy grown (I got a fancy car. So hopefully you'll let the gwaped pants thing slide)

It kind of reminds me of living with younger brothers. They're gross, self-centered, and yet funny. Now this next song takes it to another level. A level down. It compares a woman to take-out food. 

"I like IHop!"

SONG #3 "Carryout" By Timbaland Featuring: Justin Timberlake


Hear the song: http://youtu.be/NRdHsuuXxfk


Baby, you're looking fine (You look nice)


I have you open all night like an iHop (I could go for a Rooty Tooty Fresh 'n Fruity)


I take you home baby let you keep me company (I would enjoy some intellectually stimulating conversation)


You gimme some of you, I give you some of me (Sharing is caring!)

"What? Who's  Jerry Curl?"

You look good, baby must taste heavenly (You're attractive. Also, I like to lick stuff)

I'm pretty sure that you got your own recipe (You're a good cook)


So pick it up, pick it up, yeah I like you (Pick something up. Two times)

I just can't get enough, I got to drive through (I like fast food)


Cause it's me, you, you, me, me, you all night (It's you and me. No, seriously, it's just us)


Have it your, way, foreplay (Let's go to Burger King, but we should do something before that)


Has anyone noticed what all three of these songs have in common? Sex. The content always seems to be about jiggly booties and lady bits. Surely there's something else they can write about.

The annoying part is I actually like the melody and beats of these songs. That's why in my head, I hear my version of the lyrics.