Maybe We're all Mannequins -- By Nina

My eyes were starting to glaze over as I half watched my kid's TV show tonight. I had that far-away, vacant look in my eyes, you know, like zombies and people who work in offices. What had me in such a state? Bad apples. There's one in every bunch, and lately I've been running into bunches of them. Strangers have keyed my car, cut in line, stolen stuff from me, called me horrible names -- you get the point. Suddenly, I looked up and realized, "Hey, this is a show every adult must watch!"

It was "Strawberry Shortcake: Mind Your Manners."

In Strawberry Shortcake the sour girl of the bunch is named "Raspberry." All she did is whine and complain and make life tough for the other little food girls. I never liked raspberries, they leave a bad taste in my mouth.

I think all universities should have a mandatory class about treating people fairly, with respect and love. Screw Intro to Philosophy, let's teach people "Please" and "Thank you," and while we're at it, "Hello, Nina, you look lovely today!" A girl can dream...

"I come in peace, be nice to me and my hat"

But seriously, who's teaching adults manners? No one, that's who! I suppose they could recall whatever they were taught as children, but that's a crap shoot. There's no telling what kind of dysfunctional childhood they had. Also, you have to take into consideration that over time, most people become bitter and jaded. Life has treated them like crap, so in turn they treat other people like crap. Crap equals crap! Oh, good one, me!

If people have to take driving tests to be on the road, then they should have to take an etiquette class before they can go out in public and interact with others. It would make life so much better for everyone. I bet we'd have less crime -- or at least we'd have more polite crime.

Instead of a mugger yelling, "Give me all your money, you stupid b*tch!" you'd be greeted with a smiling fellow who says, "Good morning! Sorry to trouble you, but I'll be stealing your purse if it's not too inconvenient." In fact, it would be so pleasant you may even want to throw in a tip. "Oh, no trouble at all. Here, take my watch too."

If I stay perfectly still,
nobody will be mean to me.

Instead, I get cold, stoney faced, heartless people to deal with. We might as well all be mannequins. Can you tell I'm bitter? With the shit storm abrewin' in my life right now I've lost hope! Well, at least for the time being. It's funny, because just when things get really negative, a stranger goes and does something unexpected and sweet and I'm reminded that people really can be good to each other. And, oh yeah, there's always my family. They're a good bunch of fruit.

But I am officially boycotting raspberries! And bad-mannered apples! And mannequins too!